Ocean Spray "Light" cranberry juice: according to the label it does contains "Artificial Sweetener"- SUCRALOSE (that explains why it tastes CRAP) but then go on to claim that the product contains "No artificial flavourings".
A paradox indeed! Are they claiming that pure 'sweetness' is not a flavour? Or are they claiming that Sucralose is not artificial but somehow REAL? Hmmm.
Further research (5 mins on wikipedia) reveals a history of legal bickering between the different manufacturers of 'sugar-substitutes'. The manufacturers of sucralose have claimed "Because it comes from sugar, sucralose tastes like sugar". Maybe it does actually taste like sugar (and actually it doesn't) but that doesn't diminish the fact that it is artificial.
Anyway- i thought- what the heck- i'll actually call the toll-free number. At 9pm at night. Just to be cranky. Because i am no longer a "citizen"- i am a "consumer". Guess what? A very nice woman answered the phone. She was somewhat surprised that the phone had actually rung. She said nobody usually calls after hours. I suggested she had a pretty good job- being paid not to answer the phone and she "hmmed" in the affirmative.
She listened patiently to my complaint. She "tsk tsked". She seemed sympathetic- and i imagined her to be a young mother- perhaps herself one day confronted by the Ocean Spray Light Paradox in her own Juice Aisle at her local supermarket.
She offered to get my details so somebody could call me back "first thing in the morning". As i don't like to be awoken by Ocean Spray company reps - i decided "no.".
I imagine my complaint being transcribed, emailed, printed, faxed etc all the way up the chain-of-command at Ocean Spray in Massachusetts until it arrives on the desk of the CEO. (A Montage is needed).
"My goodness! This label on our Ocean Spray Light is factually incorrect! Find the most junior person we can blame and sack them immediately.".
A paradox indeed! Are they claiming that pure 'sweetness' is not a flavour? Or are they claiming that Sucralose is not artificial but somehow REAL? Hmmm.
Further research (5 mins on wikipedia) reveals a history of legal bickering between the different manufacturers of 'sugar-substitutes'. The manufacturers of sucralose have claimed "Because it comes from sugar, sucralose tastes like sugar". Maybe it does actually taste like sugar (and actually it doesn't) but that doesn't diminish the fact that it is artificial.
Anyway- i thought- what the heck- i'll actually call the toll-free number. At 9pm at night. Just to be cranky. Because i am no longer a "citizen"- i am a "consumer". Guess what? A very nice woman answered the phone. She was somewhat surprised that the phone had actually rung. She said nobody usually calls after hours. I suggested she had a pretty good job- being paid not to answer the phone and she "hmmed" in the affirmative.
She listened patiently to my complaint. She "tsk tsked". She seemed sympathetic- and i imagined her to be a young mother- perhaps herself one day confronted by the Ocean Spray Light Paradox in her own Juice Aisle at her local supermarket.
She offered to get my details so somebody could call me back "first thing in the morning". As i don't like to be awoken by Ocean Spray company reps - i decided "no.".
I imagine my complaint being transcribed, emailed, printed, faxed etc all the way up the chain-of-command at Ocean Spray in Massachusetts until it arrives on the desk of the CEO. (A Montage is needed).
"My goodness! This label on our Ocean Spray Light is factually incorrect! Find the most junior person we can blame and sack them immediately.".
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I really like you. =)
ReplyDeleteaw shucks!
ReplyDeleteI like the way you think.
ReplyDeleteNow, considering the available alternatives to natural sugar, do any of them pass muster? I have a stevia plant growing on my patio, but haven't yet researched a method to render it readily available for daily use. The purchased version is quite economically challenging. Since my husband is the diabetic version of a cookie monster, labels have become my life and I never believe the promo on the front.
Thanks for your comments...and to think I was just trying to verify that Ocean Spray contained sucralose rather than aspartame. My education continues...
Thanks for the comment Lin,
ReplyDeletei have a great idea for an all natural sugar-substitute... it's called salt.
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