Thursday, June 05, 2008

Suicide Midget Mission to Mars

Ok- so i admit- there probably isn't any point in sending men, women or children to Mars. There was also no scientific reason to send a few guys to play golf on the Moon, or sending people up to the Space Station to perform 5th grade science experiments like "i wonder what spider webs would look like in zero-G???".

Weight is the problem. Think about a big burly astronaut - and all the food, water he needs, and all the poop he produces. Think about how much extra fuel is required for each gram of freeze-dried ice cream.

If we send anyone to Mars, therefore, it's got to be little tiny midget astronauts in a little tiny red rocket ship. One other thing - it should be a suicide mission. That would cut the cost of the mission by exactly half.

They should each get a green cyanide tooth installed. Once they've worked out how spiders make webs on Mars, they can be given a little "quiet time" to ponder their last few breaths whilst the O2 runs out. Then, "CRUNCH", and inhale the green gas.

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